It’s that time of the year again; time to get down to the business and find out who really wants to be there when it matters most. Of course I’m talking about footy trip.

The boys will have been extending weight sessions (with a focus on bicep curls) in preparation for the trip. Some boys will have sought out a solarium, in the hope of making a smoother transition to the warmer temperatures of Bali, Europe, America etc.

It’s also important to not call it a ‘footy trip’ because of its negative connotation — clubs don’t like them because they always get out of hand. Instead, the boys will be conveniently booking the same flights, hotel and activities…

We were banned from arranging footy trips after the Thailand incident in 2011.

We arrived in beautiful Thailand ready for a week of sun, midget boxing and Bacardi Breezers.

The trip started off great — we arrived in Koh Samui and headed straight to our favourite club, The Green Mango. We partied, not thinking too much about our early morning trip across to Koh Phangan for the notorious Full Moon Party.

Waking up after our big night at Green Mango, we all aren’t feeling great and are faced with two options of how to get across to the island:

  • Do we take the safe, 2-3-hour cruise across
  • Or, do we get on the random guy’s speed boat that definitely should be okay to fit 15 footy sized blokes plus luggage

I don’t think anyone made it without spewing overboard. Eventually we make it to the island and we got there in one piece… but all feeling well below average.

We hired scooters to get around… that’s always a bad idea. These scooters aren’t built for carrying people 6’7 tall. Halfway up a huge hill the scooter stops and I start rolling backwards until me and the scooter crash into a ditch. The scooter was buggered!

Parts were hanging off, the kick stand was on the ground and the scooter wouldn’t start. I figure they can keep my bond (and scanned photo of my passport) because I don’t want to deal with this right now… I decided to leave the scooter there and jump on the back of another one with one of the boys. This would be my first and last time driving a scooter.

That should have been the first sign… that this was going to be a bad day.

We get to the Full Moon Party and everyone was having a great time. There were buckets of alcohol flowing, the music wass pumping, there’s a huge slide into the water and a five-metre-long skipping rope that’s on fire that the boys are jumping in and out of.

Gets to the end of the night and most of us head back to the hotel sideways — what a great night!

As my eyes are about to shut, I hear a loud knock on the door. It’s one of the players telling everyone to come out into the reception.

I walk out… there are players half dressed being pulled out of bed, while some are just rolled into the hotel still buckled. We are greeted by some local police advising that a few of the boys had started a brawl and been locked up for belting a undercover police officer and another tourist.

I’m thinking they will be okay; all they did was get in a little blue. We get a speaking to from some of the police as they explain the next steps and suddenly, I see this figure behind the police wheeling a scooter into the hotel parking lot. The scooter looks damaged but I’m still trying to process what is happening here, so I don’t pay that much attention to it.

Out of all the scooters that are in Thailand this guy is wheeling in the scooter I left in that ditch earlier in the day. I get pulled aside and try to wiggle my way out of it… “someone must have stolen my scooter,” I say as I’m replaying memories of me rolling down the hill and into the ditch.

After a brief altercation/negotiation and me handing over $1500 in damages, we all had a laugh and the scooter issue was resolved. I think even one of the policemen said, “you’re a legend Daniel,” but in Thai.

What a night though! Some boys got buckled off the Bacardi buckets, some boys got locked up in prison and some of us totalled a scooter and tried to leave the island.

To everyone that is going on a footy trip that isn’t a footy trip but rather a same place same time what are the odds trip — be safe. Look after each other and definitely don’t ride scooters or get in altercations that lead to imprisonment.